can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Too much gin, very little bucket
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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