apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize