And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
