I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
