Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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