I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
