We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
