I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
