I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
