Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
i drank out of a bidet.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize