Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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