yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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