you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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