They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
