Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I need to calm my uterus...
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
