I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
