that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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