I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I want a musical about memes.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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