go do what you do best...puke behind churches
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
