Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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