they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
