i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
