Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
