i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Dignity is for republicans.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
