My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
cat food counts as protein by the way
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
