soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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