I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
