You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
third nipple confirmed
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
