Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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