i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
