her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize