WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
