Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I wish my penis had an off switch
Define "chronic" masturbator.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Randomize
