You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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