dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
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