Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
