eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
