she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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