Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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