is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
