It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
