State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize