were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
