belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
