Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize