I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
