I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
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