I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Randomize