I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
