i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
