sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
