You made me cry and you don't even care
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
