i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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