It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
