btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
