I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
