I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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