i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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