I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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