I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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