So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
