I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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