i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
