I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Randomize
