Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
