I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
