fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
