I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
